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Sakari “Horse Attack” Lähderinne

Chessboxing human Sakari Lähderinne’s favourite animal, friend and chess piece is a horse. “Humans assume that horses like racing but that’s not true at all. My best friend Magnus, a 17-year old gelding from Helsinki, finds running one dimensional and Radcliffian – although, doing a No. 2 whilst competing isn’t below him. Even though he has massive toenails instead of hands, Magnus prefers chess like me. That doesn’t stop some middle class zealot in tight trousers clambering all over him twice a week and thrashing his arse with a stick. I told him, ‘Magnus, Prince Andrew pays good money for that’.” Like a horse, Lähderinne has good stamina, a muscular, toned body and is preferred by middle-aged posh women to their husbands. “Well, I don’t have a red face, kill animals for fun or eat cheese for every meal so it’s not hard.”

Lähderinne’s opponent on the 7th December, Nikita “Razor” Evstafiev, was asked if he was afraid of Horse Attack. “Horses are basically tall cows. In Russia we would grind them into a lasagna, that’s what I will be doing next Saturday.”

FULL LINE UP

Karl “Ouch” vs Toby “Slowby” White

Nikita “Razor” Evstafiev vs Sakari “Horse Attack” Lähderinne

Otto “Bismarck” Viherä vs Anthony “Toto” Bourached

Matt “Crazy Arms” Read vs Shayan “The Kingstonian” Zarein Dolab

Jon “The Bric” Wood vs Marc “The Essex Bomb” Sidwell