World Light Heavyweight Title Fight
Karl Ouch vs Toby “Slowby” White
White, a software engineer from Stevenage, has used his last two Chessboxing outings to supplement online dating apps. MC Gem Ahmet seemed to embrace the Cilla Black role with glee when introducing “Two minute Toby” to a baying crowd as “…very much available.”
Karl Ouch was asked to comment on his Chessboxing comeback and provided some Ouchian philosophy: “Fear slips into the brain like jagged splinters of glass. The crack of broken bones, the idea of enduring smashed teeth and blood clotted hair. Solipsism dictates that memories, temporal thoughts of any kind and time itself is snuffed out with the weight of fear fuelled concentration. And when your body is gelatinous with fatigue, your eyes glaze over and time folds in on itself, like a collapsing star, it is reduced to a singularity. Notwithstanding this, if Toby simply wishes get laid, then I say good luck to him.”
Karl was last spotted on the chessboxing scene with the “Blue Hippo”, Tim Woolgar in 2015. He fought White during the Yellobric Chessboxing Ball event in 2014 when he mocked Slowby by doing press ups between chess moves. Although ultimately the Ouch was victorious, that night Toby left him with a bloody nose.
The chessboxing scene is holding it’s breath. Toby was narrowly defeated in a catchweight fight for the British heavyweight title by Cameron “Hurt Locker” Little in October so perhaps the Ouch will prove more palatable. However, what they really want to know is – is Toby White still single?